Counseling for Empowering Change, Ltd.|Call Today! 630-318-2805

About Ann Carlson, LCSW

This author has not yet filled in any details.
So far Ann Carlson, LCSW has created 3 entries.

Keys to Reducing Stress

Work deadlines, relationship, parenting teenagers, parenting toddlers, aging parents or anything with the word parent,  financial concerns, paying for college, rush hour traffic, eating right, speaking in public, and now COVID-19 – these things and others can all contribute to stress in our lives.  Most are unavoidable at one time or another, but all can cause stress-related physical and emotional symptoms.  Some stress can be positive, like buying your first home, having a baby, getting married, accepting a promotion,  but even these stressors can end in headaches, stomach upset, heart palpitations, depression, anxiety and panic attacks!

Since stress cannot be eliminated from life, it’s best to think about managing stress from a proactive and reactive standpoint.  Proactive stress management means you are creating an environment and lifestyle where there are minimal stress points.  When stress does occur, you’re less likely to suffer severe symptoms, because you have a stable foundation.   Reactive stress management refers to the techniques and coping skills you use while in the midst of stressful times.

Here are a few keys to proactive stress management:

  1. Practice time management:  Get realistic about how long tasks and activities will take.  Consider potential distractions and allow time for these.  People rarely feel stressed when they are early.  Take careful inventory of what needs to me done, keep lists and allow for distractions.
  2. Set limits: Learn to say no to requests for things from others.  Having too many responsibilities, even if they are for a good cause can increase stress and wreak havoc on our mood, energy and relationships.  Consider your priorities and focus on activities that support these, rather than worrying about pleasing someone else or being liked by others. 
  3. Maintain healthy lifestyle habits: Stress is exacerbated when are sleep deprived.  Keeping a sleep routine, eating a healthy diet and getting regular exercise are well-known recommendations for managing stress.  It is normal to stray from these practices, at times, and important to get back on track as soon as possible. 

Here are a few keys to reactive stress management, or things to do once unavoidable stressors arrive:

  1. Take a time out:  Allow yourself time for a break.  Self care during times of added stress is usually the first to go.  Find a way to nap, read, listen to music, and practice deep breathing or relaxation exercises on a daily basis. 
  2. Ask for help:  Sometimes, we need help in order to get through a particularly stressful period.  Identify potential resources for assistance and then get it.  It may require spending extra money for a housekeeper, or asking a neighbor to drive the kids to school.  Either way, if you can take away some of your responsibility, you will have more energy to cope with the increased stress. 
  3. Reduce negative thoughts:  In times of extreme stress, it may feel like things will “never” end or you will “always” struggle with something.  The truth is, most stressors have a beginning, middle and end.  Our feelings at any given moment may not represent the entire story.  Avoid having rigid or perfectionistic standards for yourself and others during stressful times.  This will lead to disappointment and possibly more stress.  Instead, use direct communication with others and realize sometimes it is okay for things to be “good enough”. 

Stress is inevitable, but with using some proactive and reactive stress management strategies, you may be able to reduce the negative impact on your body, mind and relationships.  Consider counseling if your current strategies and skills aren’t working well and you need more support.

Here’s to empowering change!

Ann

 

Tips for Parents with Teens

The teen years can be tough on families. There are so many demands on both parents and teens. Parents hoping to instill values, responsibility and independence often get caught in a firestorm of angst, disrespect and frustration.

Teens struggle too, caught between wanting to be independent yet still needing support and guidance, their fears and struggles are seen in their moodiness and unpredictable behaviors. One minute they are volunteering to drive their siblings to soccer practice, the next they are stomping to their room, slamming their door and shouting, “you just don’t understand!”

And they may be right. After all, brains aren’t fully developed until age 25. They really are trying to make it all work without the benefit of fully operating mechanics! Parent’s brains have been fully developed for years and it can be hard to remember our own teen experience. With this in mind, it may be helpful to remember these 3 things:

  1. Respond, don’t react: Teen behaviors can be shocking at times and leave us feeling angry and resentful. After all we do, how can they treat us with such disrespect? Fight the urge to say anything in the “heat of the moment”. Give yourself and your teen some space and talk after the intensity has decreased.
  2. Practice empathy: While we may think we are understanding and open, it is easy to forget what it’s like to be a teen. Sometimes, our teen’s response isn’t just about us asking them to mow the lawn. They are really responding to all the other things going on in their life, like they just had a fight with their best friend, they failed an important test, or their favorite band is in town and they have to work. As parents, we owe it to our teens to recognize their personal lives may be stressful. With empathy, we can connect and collaborate with them so they feel supported and are less likely to respond to our requests with anger and resistance. 
  3. Be flexible: Very few things are urgent. Once you empathize with your teen’s concerns you can be flexible with your requests. This helps them see you as approachable. It doesn’t mean you are “letting them off the hook”, it simply means you are willing to listen to their needs and come up with a mutually agreeable solution.

While the teen years are challenging, it is important to remember we are responsible for ourselves and our own behaviors and actions. Being responsive, not reactive, empathic and flexible may reduce some of the inevitable tensions during the teen years.

Here’s to empowering change!

Ann

 

Think Positive!

Abraham Lincoln once said, “Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”  While this may be oversimplified, there is some truth to it!  It is believed humans have anywhere between 12,000 and 60,000 thoughts per day!  Many of those thousands of thoughts fall in the category of automatic negative thoughts or ANTs.  These ANTs crawl around in our minds and can make us feel pretty crummy.

One way to stomp out ANTS is to start recognizing they are there!  ANTS tend to fall into 4 categories:

The perfectionist

The perfectionist is never satisfied and always expects more.  This is the voice that tells you you’re no good when you get second place instead of first or you got a 95% instead of 100%.  The perfectionist results in burnout and chronic stress.  The perfectionist will steal your happiness despite your achievements.

The worrier

Do you think, “What if something bad happens?”  Worrying promotes anxiety and magnifies problems.  If you’re preparing for the bad things that “could” happen, it makes it difficult to have joy in the present moment.  The truth is most of what we worry about never comes to be!

The critic

The critic tells us we will never be as good as someone else.  When we judge and criticize ourselves, it leads to low self-worth and ignoring the positive traits we do have.  Comparing ourselves to others leads to feeling inadequate and inferior.

The victim

When you encounter an obstacle, you may believe it seems too difficult to work through.  Being a victim occurs when we feel helpless and out of control about something. It’s easy to tell ourselves, “I can’t do this!”  Playing the victim leads to feelings of depression:  feeling hopeless and unable to create a change.

So what can you do about these ANTs?  Extermination isn’t easy, but it is possible to extinguish some of those thousands of negative thoughts.

To start, notice your ANTs and see which type of ANT tends to appear in your mind.  Are you a perfectionist, a worrier, a critic or a victim?  It’s not uncommon to be a little of each!  Next, ask yourself, is this particular thought always true?  Is there evidence to support this thought?  Then, find more realistic positive thoughts.  With a little practice, we can eliminate some of the ANTs and like Abraham Lincoln suggests, make up our mind to be happier.

Here’s to empowering change!

Ann